We’ve all been there. Wasted time and wasted money when it comes to marketing. Maybe we’ve even gotten a little burned out from trying so hard and not seeing the results we most desire. But today is not the day to dive into how to build the perfect blog post or how to design a brand that not only works with your core message, it brings in prospects that resonate with it. There will be a time and a day for that. Today, let’s playfully explore a couple of fun, tongue-in-cheek ways to ruin your marketing.
Keep social media up at all times.
These are great distractions that will drain hours from your hated marketing work.
Never schedule time for marketing implementation.
If you’ve accidentally scheduled time, don’t worry. Just put it off and ignore any promises you made to yourself about doing better this year. You have more important things going on.
Start a new project!
So that letter series you were planning, the first one didn’t get results? Obviously it’s time to scrap that idea and start a new one. Giving time for a marketing plan to warm up prospects is too sure-fire a way to succeed and we can’t have that. Besides, shiny new ideas are so much more fun.
Never set a marketing goal.
Goals mean you have some idea of what you want to do for your marketing and that might just lead to you adhering to a *shudder* deadline. You have much more important business to attend to, like staring at that phone and willing prospects to call you via positive thoughts and chakra alignment.
Blame the economy.
This is a fantastic and (seemingly) inarguable point that will take all responsibility off your shoulders. If the economy is bad, no one is buying, clearly. If it’s good there’s too much competition, clearly. Perfect!
Try one thing, see it doesn’t work and just quit.
Obviously marketing just doesn’t work. The less you know about how to invest your marketing money and the bigger the money you just wasted on embroidering gym towels with your logo on it, the better.
Keep your message confusing and uninspiring.
The more vague your website and brochures are and the less they are targeted towards your ideal client the better. The best solution is to have a website and brochure that mainly just say “I make yummy cupcakes” and nothing else.
Make sure your visual brand is dull as dirt.
A vibrant logo and interesting graphics could accidentally draw in a prospect and that would mean work for us. Something made by a college student or in MS Paint by your 10-yr old son should work nicely. With all the money you saved you could buy a ton of those embroidered gym towels now!
Hire someone else to do your marketing and then run away like your hair is on fire.
Remember we want this to fail, so hire them without any goals (see above) and without any direction of information. Best if you give them your “I make yummy cupcakes” brochure for bonus confusion. Fire them when they come up with something boring and generic. They obviously don’t get our genius.
Pretend it doesn’t exist.
Marketing is something other, less sophisticated peasants do. You’re too hip for marketing. You’re busy, stressed out. Can’t they see how much you’re getting done? Your office is fricking immaculate! Now to start meditating so our prospects will know to come find us.
But in all seriousness…
If any of these made you giggle, laugh or actually feel defensive and uncomfortable, then it may be time to find a way to break the pattern of unsuccessful (and very stressful!) marketing efforts.